The Sideline Paradox: Sheltered or Suffocated?

Why the loudest people in the gym are the ones who aren't playing.

One thing is for sure, and two things are certain: The kids haven’t changed. The support system

has.

My journey in this game started as an anomaly. In my youth days, I was the girl outplaying the boys and the 7th grader taking varsity minutes. I remember adults in the stands actually demanding to see my birth certificate because they couldn’t handle the truth that the work doesn't care about seniority.

I’ve since lived this game at the Power 5, Mid-Major, and D2 levels. Now, as a High School Coach, I see those same patterns from my youth repeating, but they’ve grown into a two-headed monster. I call it the Sideline Paradox.

1. The Sheltered: The Entitlement Trap

These parents treat playing time like a transaction. They see their kid "drop 30" and ignore the 32 points they gave up on the other end. Because the parent treats accountability like a "personal attack," the athlete begins to do the same.

The Red Flag: Body Language. When a child is sheltered from the work, they develop "The Shrug." They roll their eyes at teammates, mope back on defense, and check out the moment a whistle doesn't go their way.

The Reality: According to NCAA data, only 3.5% of high school men's basketball players (and roughly 4% of women's) will ever see a college floor. In the era of the Transfer Portal, coaches are scouting for "energy givers," not "energy takers." If your child’s body language says they’re above the grind, they’re already disqualified.

2. The Suffocated: The Proxy War

Then there are the parents living a "second life" through their child. They demand a level of perfection they never even attempted. They turn the car ride home into a courtroom—belittling, grounding them for game-time mistakes, or using physical punishment as a "motivational tool."

The Reality: Recent 2024-2025 reports show that nearly 70% of kids quit organized sports by age 13. The #1 reason? It’s no longer fun because of the pressure. You aren’t building a "dog"; you’re building a ghost. You are demanding a standard you could never meet, and your child is paying the interest on your unfulfilled dreams.

The Missing Middle: The Power of "Chilling"

I look back at how I made it through the noise, and I realize my greatest advantage was a mother who kept it simple.

She didn't save me from the chaos. She didn't move the obstacles. She just represented the work. She gave me an idea of what I could do, but she never forced it. She knew that if the work wasn’t my choice, the win wouldn't be my prize.

If you’re shielding them, you’re making them weak. If you’re crushing them, you’re making them resentful. My mother understood that while she gave me life, it was my life to live. If you’d stop trying to be the main character in your child’s story and just chill, you might actually learn something from the person they are trying to become.

The Daily Alignment:

• Today's Thought: Your child is a mirror, not a second chance. If you don't like the reflection, stop cleaning the glass and start fixing the original.

• The Balance: True toughness is born in the space between the shield and the sword. It is high expectations met with high support.

To the parents: Are you counting your child’s buckets,

Order Yours Here!

or are you representing the character it takes to win and enjoy the moments you’ll never get back?